I was on the verge of giving up. I kept telling myself "Just let go!" When things around me is not right and I feel helpless and powerless to correct or oppose the wrong, I told my self, convincingly, to just quit.
It started with disappointments which became frustrations then anger and then everything burnt to nothingness. No passion, no motivation, uninspired, depressed. Everything looked bleak to me. Everything became unappealing. Satisfaction guaranteed. Not. I was either doing things halfheartedly or doing nothing at all. Just getting by. And surprisingly, I cared less.
Negative emotions clouded over me.
I was like a vessel of water with holes.
I was almost empty.
Just hanging by a thread.
Holding a match, ready to strike and burn bridges and get burnt in the process.
I began to question my purpose. I asked so many "Why?" Said so many "what if" , "Should have" or "shouldn't have".
I realized I was already moving towards self-destruction when things became more chaotic and this time, I was partly to blame. I have let the circumstances overpower me. I have lead my self into ruin when I should have been fighting against the enemy, the wrongdoings that is all around me, things that I have witnessed to be unjust. But instead, I was already fighting against me.
Then I am reminded of this movie. "Facing the giants."
It reminded me that God expect me to GIVE HIM MY VERY BEST, not give up. Not to quit. Not to give in. It reminded me that God is always before me, just like the coach, encouraging and telling me that He is with me all throughout my journey, all throughout my circumstances, all throughout my struggles, my despair, my needs. He is always ever before me, guiding, leading the way. And sometimes, I just have to close my eyes and stop looking at how big are my opponents, my problems. Instead, God wants me to LISTEN to His voice. That is all that matter. Just listen to Him when He is speaking and just shut all the noise that surrounds me. He wants me to FOCUS only on Him. That He is faithful. He is God. He never change and that HE LOVES ME.