WALL YOUR HEART: The Awakening

WALL YOUR HEART

(Part 1: The Awakening)

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23

AWAKE OR SLEEPWALKING:

“Oh God, what shall I do with this heart? I think I’m finally inlove... Am I???”

I whispered that simple prayer to God one night. I’ve been struggling with the strange feeling in my heart for weeks now. I never felt this way before.Love caught me off guard. One morning, I just woke up somehow shocked with what I discovered and then slowly accepted and admitted that I have finally fallen in love.

When I wrote “SINGLE BLESSEDNESS” and “FRESHLY-BAKED HEART” about three years ago, I was honestly speaking that I was truly contented being single. I was 23 that time and falling in love never did enter my mind. I even said that it’s ok for me to remain single and never marry when once asked by my sister if I have plans to get married someday.

But almost three years later, I don’t feel the same way anymore. I never thought that I would come to the point that I would long for someone to love me in a romantic way. :p Of course, I’m still holding on to my convictions e.g. God is writing my love story, waiting for the right one, etc. I will never let go of that. But what should you do if your heart has finally awakened? What should you do every time your heart beats faster than normal whenever you think of that someone who always put a smile on your face?

I confessI’d been proud- proud that I have never experienced heartbreak. I’ve been living so carefree and have never bothered myself with the mushy stuff. I used to laugh at my sister every time she talks about being in love. But look what love has done to me? I now sound like her:PATHETIC.But in a good way. At least she would never again call me “abnormal.” “You’re more human now. You now feel what a normal person usually feels. Being in love.”I think she would say that.

What shall I do, Lord?

“Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” Songs of Songs 2:7

For years, I’ve been holding on to that verse which God has commanded. But now what??? Is this verse still applicable to my life now? My heart has finally awakened! It desires to love and be loved! Or is it? What if it’s just sleepwalking? Will I ever know? Should I sing a lullaby to send my heart back to its deep slumber? DoI know the tune?

These questions fill my head. I’m confused. I’m not really sure if what I feel is love. I can’t truly be certain. All I know is these feelings I have inside my heart are so new that it scares me.

What shall I do, Father?

RUCKUS IN MY HEART:

The realization struck me. I found out that it’s obviously a lot harder now guarding a heart that wants to break out from the fence than a heart seated still inside, sleeping.

For years, I never worried about guarding my heart. I could do many things without my heart jumping, leaping and popping around even inside my head.But now, it hasbecome a distraction. I can no longer concentrate. I lost focus.I keep thinking of HIM! He’s haunting me even in my sleep!It feels good to be in love, I realize, but I guess it was too much. Oh my! Am I going crazy?

I became aware that it is no longer healthy because he is stealing my heart from my First Love (though he doesn’t know that he is guilty ^__^). I became so desperate that I even thought of and wanted to pacifymy heart or worse, bind it and pin it against the wall.

So I prayed. That’s when God reminded me of this one great wall in the Bible.

WHAT??? Are You serious, Lord? (I know, of course, God is serious!) A WALL! What kind of wall and how?Could I really possibly put my heart inside a wall???

It does sound absurd, right? How can anyone guard their heart by “putting” it inside a wall? Could we be like Davie Jones in the movie Pirates of the Caribbean who took his heart out and put it inside a chest? Well, yes and no. Yes, we can guard our heart inside a wall but no, not literally of course.

I have learned something from God about this Wall which I’d like to share with you. Maybe you or someone you knowis in the same situation where I am at so I’m inviting you to take this journey with me as I take the process of ‘Walling” my heart while waiting for my right one. Will you?

SINGLE BUT NOT ALONE

SINGLE BUT NOT ALONE

Originally Posted on May 13, 2009 at 5:07 AM

Whenever someone ask me if I have a boyfriend and I would tell them i have none since birth, they would always react in astonishment or shock as if having no boyfriend at my age is a crime. Their reactions doesn't bother me though. I know the standards of the world. IT says that you are important or beautiful if you have a boy/girlfriend. Your boy/girlfriend can complete you. He/she can make you happy and so on. Many enter such relationship to have a "trophy" while others are just doing it just for the fun of it or because almost all of the people are doing it and they don't want to be "IN" the trend. And still some were pressured by peers.

I don't want to enter a relationship for wrong reasons. I don't want to enter a relationship only to end it while giving away my heart piece by piece until there is nothing left I can give to the one God created just for me. I will be faithful to him even if we haven't met yet and I hope he is too. If i can be faithful to him before we met, i know i will be faithful when I'll finally met him. For now i would focus on developing my character so that i would be a good friend and wife to whoever he is.

While I'm waiting, i will concentrate more on knowing God deeper before giving my heart to a man. I want to experience God's love first. I cannot know what true love is if I don't know God.

Many people tell me:

"That's silly! Why wait when you can chase or find them. How will you ever met him if you will just sit there and so nothing!"
" Someone will get him before you do."
"God is too busy that He wouldn't bother himself finding a match!"

They gave me the impression that love is a contest or a treasure hunting. Whoever finds him/her first wins and the others are losers. It is not. Tell me, with your finding and chasing, what do you find? How so you know that he is the one? Does he met your standards fo your 'perfect man?' What are you looking for man/woman anyway?

CHAT-ORDER BRIDE

CHAT-ORDER BRIDE

Originally Posted on June 3, 2009 at 11:30 AM

June 3, 2009

11:30 Am

I went to an internet cafe to scan my drawing. I planned to color the line art in my friend's computer so I asked the attendant to save the file in the CD-RW I provided. But there was a problem with their Nero that she had to go to their house and tried to burn the file in their personal computer. When she came back, she told me that if I can borrow a USB of my friend i should do so because it's still not working. I had no choice but to leave and go to my friend's house.

On my way back to the internet cafe, when i told the tricycle driver where i was heading, he assumed that I am looking for an American (foreigner) boyfriend through Chat.

I told him "no, i don't do that."

He said, "Why not? If I were you, i would find a foreigner for a husband." Then he looked at the big mansion-like houses we passed by.

"If only i was born a girl i would go to the internet cafe and chat with foreigners for the hope that someone would propose and marry me and take me out from poverty."

I told him: "I dont need instant money. I want to work hard for something that I want to have. Besides, marrying someone (foreigner or local) for the sake of money does not guarantee that would find happiness. Real Happiness."

"Well, you're right There's a nice feeling if you have gained something you have work hard for, blood and sweat."

Our conversation ended there when we finally arrived. I bid him goodbye and say thank you as I gave him my fare.

I don't usually talk to strangers especially tricycle drivers. Most of the time I would just sit quietly while looking at the houses and tress that we passed by while the driver is also silent with his eyes focused on the road. But in this case I had to speak up when he started a conversation. Also, I need to defend myself and maybe straighten his wrong thinking that all women who went inside the internet cafe are only looking for someone to use as a mean to get rich.

I wonder if every time someone sees  me enter or came out from an internet cafe, they would think the same way with that tricycle driver. I cant blame him though. Many women nowadays are looking for husbands through internet. Even in my hometown beautiful houses would seem to sprout overnight. If I would be gone for a month, when i came back I would see another new house under construction. And when I asked, people would usually answer me with "Because of Chat." "Her boyfriend sends her money every week/month that's why she is able to construct a nice house."

If you have a neighbor who gets rich so fast, it is either she has a foreigner boyfriend or maybe they're doing something illegal. There are some exceptions though, that is, if they have won millions from LOTTO (Sweepstakes) or they have a relative working abroad.

For some people, it's ok to marry someone you meet in the chat room. For others, it is not.

Note that the following are not based on LOVE:

Why some Foreigners marry Filipino women:

Most of the foreigners who marry Filipino women are  in their 50s, 60s, 70s and 80s. They are usually divorced and are retiring. They want to stay in the Philippines because their money has high value. If they are poor in the US (for example), they can live as a king in the Philippines. They also wants someone to take care for them. A companion is what they needed and they believe that the Filipino women are good at giving TLC. They don't want to grow old without someone to take care of them. They don't want to be put in an institution for old people. So they don't care to spend their money from their retirement to have a wife.

Why some Filipino women marry Foreigners:

Most of the women who marry foreigners are those who are living below poverty line. Usually, single mothers at the very young age. Some were also separated or were abandoned by their partner or husband and are left to take care of their children. They don't have means to provide for their living,usually they live with their old parents and depends on them for their needs. They believe that marrying a foreigner could uplift their situation. They don't care even if there is a big gap in their age or even if the husband is already balding or even if he is on a wheelchair (I saw one in our plaza) as long as they will not starve and they can buy branded clothing, a laptop, a new cellphone or a car.

For  me, there's nothing wrong with marrying a foreigner IF you love him and  not his money. Money cant buy love. It cant buy real Joy or happiness. If you have a chat mate and you fell in love with him/her, then that's fine. Marry him/her! But if you're only marrying for money, you are bound to destruction, a life that is full of tears and unhappiness.

Do I see myself marrying a foreigner? Uhmm, I prefer a Filipino but that's still too far from now. As I've said in my journal "Singe but Not Alone" I'm not in a hurry and I'm not yet ready. If  my prince or Romeo is American, Japanese, Korean, British, etc.. it doesn't matter. What matters is that we love each other and that we have GOD at the center of our relationship.

What are your reactions about this? 

CARELESS WHISPERERS

CARELESS WHISPERERS

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who isin you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were boughtat a price. Therefore honor God with your body." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

SEX VIDEOS

It's been months after the issue about the sex video scandal of two prominent people in showbiz came out. Youtube and other video streaming websites' traffic charts hit their peak because of curious and lustful people searching and viewing those most talked about videos containing two people in underwear dancing "Careless Whisper". When it first came out, the Philippine Media was like taken by a storm by such issue. Every channel, every news program, this issue is being tackled that many people who have computer at home or a cellular phone even downloaded/uploaded it as if they?ll be left out if they don't.

Until now, this issue is still alive. Maybe because the culprits who uploaded those videos which are supposed to be private aren't caught yet or maybe because the two people in the video had cheated the person close to them. And maybe because people are just too lustful that they wanted to watch the video over and over again even if they can't gain anything aside of being arouse in watching two people doing the deed.

So what's the ruckus? This is not the first time that something like this came out. Aren't sex videos uploaded every second or every minute of everyday in the web? Just search the internet and many other videos like it, some even more scandalous, will appear on your computer screen. What's the difference?

TWO CARELESS WHISPERERS

He didn't expect this could happen. He had so much fun. He hadn't speculated that his "little" naughty action could affect his and his family?s life. He must have thought that he can get away with it. But nothing done even in secrets that won't be expose later on. God sees what we do in the dark and God is JUST, He will NOT let the guilty UNPUNISHED.

She thought that there is nothing wrong with falling in love with him. Never care if it hurts a confidante as long as she's happy and he's happy with her. It shows on her face while they're dancing not knowing that something hidden was recording every sway of her hips, their every move. She should have known. She has a reputation to take care of. What would happen in her career? What would her family think of her? Would they still accept her or disown her?

I feel sorry for these two "careless whisperers." I pity the guy because he sees sex for fun alone and not for love. I doubt if he loves her (the other careless whisperer), his now ex-girlfriend and all those girls he had in bed before. I also pity and feel sorry for the girl because of all the shame it has brought on her. I wonder if she would react if he told her first that there was a video before it was uploaded in the internet. Maybe she wouldn't be angry. She only worries now because it has become a scandal. If she knew that he was recording them on his camera and deleted it after, it wouldn't be a major concern to her.

If only they know that there is Someone higher and more powerful watching them aside from a hidden camera. If only they realize that what they were doing CUTS DEEP in His heart, they wouldn't have done it. Now they suffer the consequences because nothing can be hidden from His eyes.

(I choose not to mention their names. It's the least I can do to not adding more salt on open wounds. They still deserve some respect in spite of what happened.)

THE BIG DEAL

The big deal here is not about two people dancing wearing only underwear in the music of "Careless Whisper", it's not about cheating a girlfriend or falling blindly in love with the wrong man.

SIN. Sin is the BIG DEAL here. "Sin? WHAT sin?" you may say. Yes, sin.

"Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.? 1 Corinthians 6:9-10

The two "careless whisperers" and most of the people especially teenagers in the world today are committing sin by giving away their purity out of lust in the pretense of love. They have sinned when they have sex with someone other than their spouse (husband/wife). Premarital Sex is a sin because it is ILLEGAL in God's law. It's sad that the world is apathetic about it. It is much sadder that even some Christians don?t do anything about this matter. And worse, some Christians are also involved in Premarital Sex.

DYING WORLD

It's so sad. I really felt bad. I shouldn't have asked God to feel what His heart feels because right now I just can't keep my tears from falling. It's just too painful. The world is really turning worse everyday. With high technology,sinning is much easier. People can abuse you without your knowledge as long as they have a camera and an internet connection bringing you shame, humiliating your very being until you think you have nothing left to be proud of yourself.It?s like all the good things that you have done in the past have become futile because of just one sin and you can?t take it back. It has already stained your very soul.

What would GOD feel? I know it hurts Him so much. It hurts Him so much because He loves us. He doesn't want us to suffer.

CHALLENGE

Christians, do not be apathetic about these things. God has called us to reach out to those who are suffering and these people are DYING!Will you still sit there contented in the coziness of your comfort zone while many people are dying? Dying and drowning in the murkiness of sin. What if those two careless whisperers were your brother or your sister, your friend, a neighbor? Won't you do anything?

Your sister through Christ Blood,

Rizeru