Tuesday, July 26, 2011

WALL YOUR HEART: The Awakening

(Part 1: The Awakening)

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23


“Oh God, what shall I do with this heart? I think I’m finally inlove... Am I???”

I whispered that simple prayer to God one night. I’ve been struggling with the strange feeling in my heart for weeks now. I never felt this way before.Love caught me off guard. One morning, I just woke up somehow shocked with what I discovered and then slowly accepted and admitted that I have finally fallen in love.

When I wrote “SINGLE BLESSEDNESS” and “FRESHLY-BAKED HEART” about three years ago, I was honestly speaking that I was truly contented being single. I was 23 that time and falling in love never did enter my mind. I even said that it’s ok for me to remain single and never marry when once asked by my sister if I have plans to get married someday.

But almost three years later, I don’t feel the same way anymore. I never thought that I would come to the point that I would long for someone to love me in a romantic way. :p Of course, I’m still holding on to my convictions e.g. God is writing my love story, waiting for the right one, etc. I will never let go of that. But what should you do if your heart has finally awakened? What should you do every time your heart beats faster than normal whenever you think of that someone who always put a smile on your face?

I confessI’d been proud- proud that I have never experienced heartbreak. I’ve been living so carefree and have never bothered myself with the mushy stuff. I used to laugh at my sister every time she talks about being in love. But look what love has done to me? I now sound like her:PATHETIC.But in a good way. At least she would never again call me “abnormal.” “You’re more human now. You now feel what a normal person usually feels. Being in love.”I think she would say that.

What shall I do, Lord?

“Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” Songs of Songs 2:7

For years, I’ve been holding on to that verse which God has commanded. But now what??? Is this verse still applicable to my life now? My heart has finally awakened! It desires to love and be loved! Or is it? What if it’s just sleepwalking? Will I ever know? Should I sing a lullaby to send my heart back to its deep slumber? DoI know the tune?
These questions fill my head. I’m confused. I’m not really sure if what I feel is love. I can’t truly be certain. All I know is these feelings I have inside my heart are so new that it scares me.

What shall I do, Father?


The realization struck me. I found out that it’s obviously a lot harder now guarding a heart that wants to break out from the fence than a heart seated still inside, sleeping.

For years, I never worried about guarding my heart. I could do many things without my heart jumping, leaping and popping around even inside my head.But now, it hasbecome a distraction. I can no longer concentrate. I lost focus.I keep thinking of HIM! He’s haunting me even in my sleep!It feels good to be in love, I realize, but I guess it was too much. Oh my! Am I going crazy?

I became aware that it is no longer healthy because he is stealing my heart from my First Love (though he doesn’t know that he is guilty ^__^). I became so desperate that I even thought of and wanted to pacifymy heart or worse, bind it and pin it against the wall.

So I prayed. That’s when God reminded me of this one great wall in the Bible.

WHAT??? Are You serious, Lord? (I know, of course, God is serious!) A WALL! What kind of wall and how?Could I really possibly put my heart inside a wall???

It does sound absurd, right? How can anyone guard their heart by “putting” it inside a wall? Could we be like Davie Jones in the movie Pirates of the Caribbean who took his heart out and put it inside a chest? Well, yes and no. Yes, we can guard our heart inside a wall but no, not literally of course.

I have learned something from God about this Wall which I’d like to share with you. Maybe you or someone you knowis in the same situation where I am at so I’m inviting you to take this journey with me as I take the process of ‘Walling” my heart while waiting for my right one. Will you?

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